Sunday, June 19, 2011

There's Three of Them...

This week is marked by anticipation.

We wait.

We wait to take Ella to have her MRI on Thursday morning and then from there we wait until the next afternoon to meet with the Pediatric Neurologist.

We know there is something not quite right.  Whether it is "developmental delay" or something much more serious, we know that the road ahead for her and us will be hard work.

Lindsay and I have naturally found a soft spot for our third child, our second daughter.  Knowing there is something going on with her and yet not knowing exactly what that "something" is, we tend to cling to her...

The other night, after a few days of the kids going in all kinds of crazy directions and making us equally crazy, Lindsay and I sat and talked after they had fallen asleep.

Among other things in our lives, we talked about Ella.

The conversation, however, took a turn away from Ella directly.  We began talking about how all of this affects Ava & Henry...and not in terms of the outcome of the appointments late this week, but in terms of the here and now.

We realized that as young as they are, they too can, and probably do, notice our "soft spot" for Ella.  We talked more about this and realized that we cannot simply explain to them the situation at hand.  We cannot expect them to understand what is really going on.  They operate in the here and now and they operate as egocentric beings.

We reflected on our behaviors toward each of our children and found that the craziness of the past few days may be a direct result of our behaviors.  We reviewed how and what we say, what we do, and how we react to the many daily occurrences for each child.  

Our conversation led us to realize that we need take the "soft spot" we have developed for our Ella and spread it to our Henry and our Ava.  They need it as much as she does.

We did that the very next day.

The transformation was astounding.  I could see it in Ava's eyes and her expressions.  I could feel it in Henry's laughter and exuberance.  I could gauge it by the seemingly level blood pressure I encountered throughout the day.

There are three of them.  Each in their own world and at the same time a part of each other's.  Each looking for the same things with different avenues to acquire them.

Our calling as their parents is to recognize their plights, their journeys, their goals, their dreams and aspirations.

I am grateful that I married a woman with whom I can talk with.

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