Morning Thoughts...

Mornings.


They are confusing for me now.  I open my eyes and find myself in the same room I've slept in for the past 5 years...nothing new there.  I roll over to see the same alarm clock, next to the same lamp, both keeping my cell phone company.  So far, no confusion.  


Then the thoughts flood my mind.  

They enter as a storm sweeping from the front of my brain and travelling at the speed of light toward the back, parting in all directions, gathering speed and power.  They push out the remnants of dreams and fill every crevice of my awareness.  There is no rhyme or reason to the path each individual thought takes as they mold themselves into my reality of the morning and the day to come.

kids.

mri.doctors.

legs.tests.crying.walking.future.school.

degenerative.love.wife.universityofchicago.muscles.why.

murphy.ava.family.emg.sasa.henry.ella.choices.tired.breakfast.

holdingkids.cellphone.news.waiting.bloodtests.God.

sleep.fear.closeness.specialneeds.comfort.edwardshospital.

henry'smedicine.friends.mamabracelets.

carseat.smatype2.developmental.

long.journey.Jesus.marriage.

grass.adaptivedevices.vacations.

death.humanbody.peace.answers.

support.shoesforella.worry.

smileswithchildren.

discipline.strength.how.help.

easterseals.earlyintervention.

nerves.preschool.control.lackofcontrol.

caring.problems.

joy.photos.smellroses.

My mind settles itself and I look at my family, who by this time is usually around me...I remember we are here together, we grow together, we lean on each other together.  My day begins with love surrounding me...I must take heed to that love.

Ella is scheduled to have her EMG (muscle/nerve tests) at the University of Chicago on July 18th.  This test requires that fine needles be inserted into her thigh muscle and electrical impulses are sent directly to the muscle.  This will produce results that will tell doctors about the muscles ability to receive signals from a nerve as well info about the innervating nerve.  Needless to say, we are not looking forward to this procedure since it will undoubtedly be painful for Ella, but we are anxious to know what is happening to our one-year old.  We will be there with her and for her. 

We wait for the results of blood tests to give us more information about her enzymes and whether or not they are playing a role in her hypotonia.  The waiting game seems like a never-ending one.

It's funny.  I go to sleep with a clear mind...understanding all that I need to and feeling full of faith and assurance.  I always, however, wake up confused...I wonder when that will stop?